Amateurs with Knives

I haven’t said anything about the latest two episodes of The Next Food Network Star, and I apologize for that. This morning I got online, fully intending to say something before this weekend’s finale, when I saw something quite surprising on the Food Network Addict’s (FNA) website:

The Food Network accidentally posted the finalists’ exit interviews and the winner’s video on their website.

It has since been pulled but… Whoops. What a shame that the struggling network continues to bungle things up. Last week’s Food Network Star episode garnered more ratings than Bravo’s darling “Project Runway” - and they botch the momentum with this. What a shame.

Here is the statement the Food Network released to FNA:

“FoodNetwork.com experienced technical difficulties last night. As our viewers have seen on The Next Food Network Star this season, many twists and turns have taken place during the show. We encourage all to tune in on Sunday at 10pm to see who will be the Next Food Network Star.”

They’re trying to salvage the wreckage, but the damage has been done.

For those of you who watch the show and don’t want the ending spoiled, have no fear - FNA has deleted all of the comments that would give the ending away, so you can go check out the info without fear.

It’s time, once again, for the weekly Build a Better Burger Contest, uh, burger.

Yes, I’m still trying to entice you to buy this book. If you’re into experimental and less traditional burgers, this is a great resource. The winning burgers from 1990 - 2004 are listed: The Grand Prize, First Prize, Second Prize and, always a quirky burger, the Award for Creativity. Today’s burger is the Grand Prize for the 1996 competition and the first burger by a female contestant to win the competition, proving once and for all that chicks like fire, too: Mulligatawny Burgers.

Photo courtesy of Build a Better Burger

This burger is paired with Sauvignon Blanc.

What originally drew me to this burger is that I love apples and curry together, and the sound of it with a souped-up chicken patty was irresistible.

Mulligatawny Burgers

Curried Apple Mayonnaise
1/2 cup mayonnaise
3 tablespoons peeled and finely chopped tart apple
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
Pinch of ground cayenne

Patties
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1 1/2 pounds freshly ground chicken
1 egg white, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons minced green onion
1/2 cup peeled and finely chopped tart apple
salt
freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup fine, fresh bread crumbs
1 teaspoon curry powder

You may or may not have noticed that I keep marking these burgers for the “Weeknight Cooking” category. Often times, I think the home cook rules burgers out because they should mostly be a “grilling” item, which involves a whole production with a BBQ. You’re waiting for me to bring up the George Foreman - and you’re right, I am! I have whipped these up on a Foreman grill for a delicious weeknight meal. Also doable in a pan, although you know I am partial to the George.

To start, make the curried mayonnaise: Combine all of the ingredients in a small bowl and stir to blend well. Cover and refrigerate until serving.

Prepare a medium-hot fire in a charcoal grill or preheat a gas grill to medium-high. Toast the almonds. You can either do this in a fire-proof skillet right on top of the grill, something on your stove or, as I mentioned yesterday, in a toaster oven. Set aside to cool.

Combine chicken, egg white, green onion, and apple in a large bowl and season with salt and pepper. Handling the meat as little as possible to avoid compacting it, mix well. Divide the mixture into 6 equal portions and form the portions into patties to fit the rolls. Finely chop the toasted almonds (or give them a quick whirl in a food processor or coffee grinder) and combine with the bread crumbs and curry powder in a shallow bowl, stirring well. Coat both sides of the patties with the almond mixture, pressing gently to adhere.

Brush the grill rack with vegetable oil. Place the patties on the rack, cover and cook, turning once, just until the juices run clear when the patties are pierced in the center - about 4 minutes on each side.

Serve with lightly toasted sourdough rolls, fresh spinach leaves and some of the curried apple mayonnaise.

First impressions about this burger (I’ve made it a few times now, so I’m trying to think back to when I took my first bite): Admittedly, this was the first real non-traditional burger I had ever tried and after my first bite, I was a little conflicted. I had to think about it while mulling over the mild, fresh flavors in my mouth until I could decide that I was completely and totally sold. The nuts were a surprise. I’m not usually a huge fan of nuts in anything other than cookies, so to come in contact with the nuts was a shock, but not off-putting. Toasting them makes them a little soft, and that’s why I didn’t mind them. The curried mayonnaise goes fantastically well with the burger - the sweetness of the apple with the mayonnaise and a hint of spice marries the patty nicely.

Verdict: Make it this weekend!

As you know, July is AwK’s BBQ month! It’s that special time of year when we get to talk about the things that are near and dear to my stomach:

Summer food.

I’m talking BBQ, Potlucks, Picnics, Family Gatherings, Friendly Get-Togethers, anything at all that requires getting outdoors and heating up the grill.

Or, at the very least, plugging your George Foreman into the socket on the back deck.

I’ve talked about the Build A Better Burger book before when I reviewed my 4th of July burger, Tuscan Burger Bruschetta. Now it’s time to talk about one of my absolute favorite burgers in the book: Napa Valley Basil-Smoked Burgers

The combination of fresh basil, minced red onion and sun dried tomatoes with a little pesto mayonnaise — It is so savory. And yes, when it’s the middle of winter and I’m jonesing for a delicious, flavor-packed burger, I have broken out the George Foreman. I have no shame in admitting it!

Burger Patties
2 pounds ground sirloin
1/4 cup Zinfandel
1/4 cup lightly packed minced fresh basil
1/4 cup minced fresh onion
1/4 cup Italian bread crumbs
8 sun-dried tomatoes packed in olive oil, finely chopped
2 teaspoons garlic salt

This burger won the Grand Prize in 1990. I have made it repeatedly and always with fantastic results.

Light some fire - preferrably in a grill with a cover. If you don’t have fire or you aren’t allowed to be anywhere near it, try for a stove or the George Foreman grill. If using a gas grill, preheat to medium-high.

The recipe tells you to mince the onions and basil, and finely chop the sun-dried tomatoes. Instead, I just toss those into my food processor and give it a whirl. It saves time and minces things beautifully — this is an especially good trick if you’re serving this dish to someone who doesn’t like to feel an onion in their mouth. The onion is minced up finely so that it lends to the flavor, but isn’t obtrusive.

Take the minced mixture out of your processor and put it in a bowl with the rest of the patty ingredients. Handling the meat as little as possible to avoid compacting it, mix well. Divide the mixture into 6 equal portions and form the portions into patties to fit the rolls.

When the grill is ready, brush the rack with vegetable oil. If you’re using a George, you don’t have to do this because the George is perfect in every way. The Foreman Grill is like the Fifth Element, but of food.

Too much?

Okay anyway. Moisten 8 large basil sprigs with water, then put them directly onto the fire - this is the basil smoked part. I don’t do this because there’s already basil in the burger, and I’m fine without going through the trouble of adding basil smoke. Also, it’s pretty pointless if you’re cooking on the George because there is no fire. Same thing with pan cooking the patties — there’s no point. Place the patties on the rack, cover and cook, turning once, until done to preference (5 to 7 minutes on each side for medium). During the last couple minutes of cooking, place some large sandwich rolls, cut side down, on the rack to toast lightly. During the last minute of cooking, top each patty with a slide of Monterey Jack cheese.

To assemble the burgers, use some pesto mayonnaise:

Pesto Mayonnaise
2/3 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons prepared basil pesto

You can see where we’re going with this. Put the pesto mayonnaise ingredients into a bowl and mix. I really do like the taste of this, and it does add some complementary flavor to the burger. Do NOT use Miracle Whip. I wouldn’t anyway but in case you were thinking about it, I really just don’t think the sweetness of the Miracle Whip can do anything other than obliterate the pesto, much less the savory flavors of the burger.

To assemble: Spread the mayonnaise over the cut side of the rolls. On each roll bottom, place a lettuce leaf, a patty, a tomato slide, an onion slice and a basil sprig. Add the roll tops and serve.

Amazing.

Okay, let’s get a show of hands here. Who else thought Adam was going to say, “Who else can say Rachel Ray jerked my chicken?”

I did.

This past episode of the Next Food Network star finally shows the contestants doing something quite appropriate: Guesting on Rachel Ray’s show. Each contestant was given a little Brownie Scout as a helper, and then asked to put together a simple recipe that they and their helper could demonstrate to an audience within a 4 minute time frame. The twist was that it was going to be on Rachel Ray’s daytime show.

The contestants met with Rachel beforehand, and she gave them some advice: Food television is about storytelling. You’re cooking and showing the viewer how to do it, but you’re always telling them a story that gets people involved with what you’re doing.

I was happy to see Aaron rise to the challenge and really shine in front of the audience. His presentation was well done and, according to the judges, the food was good. Adam was another one who did well, yet the judges confessed to him that they are still not confident in his cooking abilities.

Those two were the highlights. The lowlight was Lisa, who shut down in front of the camera. She was off to a decent start, then got overwhelmed and stopped talking. Rachel Ray had to carry the rest of the segment for her. It was a shame, because she really did get a nice start.

The rest was really uncomfortable to watch. Shane and Kelsey, two of the stronger cooks in the competition, fell short during their air time. Kelsey even made Rachel Ray cook her eggs, while Kelsey did little else other than just stand there.

In the end, Shane was kicked off. This really, really surprised me. I checked Bob Tuschman’s blog (one of the Next Food Network Judges) today. He had gone into the elimination thinking they would be saying goodbye to Kelsey. However after speaking with Shane, the judges felt that, although Shane’s culinary training and skill is very good, he hasn’t had a lot of life experience to really share passion for cooking. Instead, when Shane gets in front of a camera, it feels more like a stiff set of instructions, rather than story. Bob’s blog post is pretty short and quite enlightening if you wanted to head over to the Food Network’s site and take a quick read. Here’s a quick excerpt:

So, heading into the evaluation, I’m definitely thinking it’s Kelsey’s turn to say goodbye. But in the course of our long evaluation, I ask Shane about the origin of his passion for French food. I was stunned to hear that he had never been to France. Ever. He had simply taken a cooking class in French technique and that was the source of his “passion.”

Now, Shane is a talented, mature, and extremely likeable young man. But it became clear to me that he’s still just the student repeating back the teacher’s words. That’s good for your GPA, but not good for television. Shane will be a talent to watch. But he’s just not ready yet. So, unfortunately, it was au revoir to Shane.

The video segments are being featured on Rachel Ray’s Daytime Show website - but keep in mind that what you’re seeing there is a little different than what aired on The Next Food Network star, due to the ways the Producers wanted to portray the challenges.

July is grilling month here at Amateurs with Knives, and I’m going to kick it off by reviewing what went on my Weber this past Independence Day.

These babies:

Photo courtesy of Sutter Home

A couple of years ago I received a book called “Build a Better Burger”. The book is a compilation of the winning burgers from Sutter Home Winery’s Build a Better Burger Contest.

This is a pretty nifty book to have. If you like to grill and you like burgers in a wide, creative variety of proteins, this is definitely one to have on your shelf. Each burger has a photograph (ok, I like pictures in my books - go ahead and make jokes) and the instructions are very simply laid out so as not to intimidate even the most novice chef. Each burger also has a wine pairing listed.

Each BBB contestant must be an amateur, otherwise they are not eligible to win the prize. Still, that doesn’t stop professional chefs from entering, and the published book does note some of the professional burgers, even though they were not prize winners. Still, the most exciting and creative awards have gone to the amateurs. This is one of them.

Tuscan Burgers Bruschetta

Tomato Topping
1 ripe tomato, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
3 tablespoons minced fresh basil
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper

Patties
1 scant cup loosely packed crumbled Gorgonzola cheese
2 tablespoons finely minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
3 tablespoons chopped onion
2 pounds ground round
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper

Vegetable oil, for brushing on the grill rack
4 thin slices prosciutto or unsmoked ham slices
1/2 pound coarsely grated Fontina cheese

Bruschetta
1 oblong loaf crusty Italian bread, sliced diagonally into 12 (1/2 to 3/4 inch thick) slices
Extra virgin olive oil, for brushing on the bread

This particular burger won third prize in 1993, and is paired with Shiraz (Syrah).

There’s really not much to making a burger. Fire up your grill, mix up your burger stuff and throw that sucker on the fire!

Instruction #1: “Prepare a medium-hot fire in a charcoal grill with a cover, or preheat a gas grill to medium-high.”

I love these sorts of instructions because the whole “medium-hot fire” thing sort of makes me laugh. It’s fire. Fire hot! I really can’t set it to anything other than flaming inferno. Maybe this is why the AwK admin does all of our grilling…

To make the topping, combine all of the ingredients, including salt and pepper to taste, in a bowl and mix well. Set aside.

The topping rocked. In fact, I had some leftover so the next day so I stuck it on top of a piece of ciabatta and ate it. All that was missing was a glass of wine. True story.

To make the patties, combine the Gorgonzola, parsley and onion in a large bowl. Add the beef and season with salt and pepper. Handling the meat as little as possible to avoid compacting it, mix well. Divide the mixture into 6 equal portions and form the portions into patties to fit the bread slices.

When the grill is ready, brush the grill rack with vegetable oil. Place the patties on the rack, cover and cook for 5 minutes. Turn the patties and cook 4 minutes. Place a slice of proscuitto on each patty and top with Fontina, dividing equally. Cover the grill and continue cooking the patties until done to preference, 1 to 4 minutes longer for medium.

To make the bruschetta, while the patties are cooking, brush the bread slices on each side with olive oil. Place on the outer edges of the grill rack, turning once, to toast lightly.

Yes! A photograph that didn’t come out blurry!

To assemble the burgers, spoon half of the tomato topping on 6 of the bruschetta slices, then top with the patties, the remaining tomato topping, and the remaining bruschetta.

Dig in!

This show is incredibly confused. Or maybe it’s me - that’s always a possibility.

I occasionally watch the Food Network and, for the most part, there are a few shows I like. The hosts of the shows range in skill level from some crazy prepackaged concoction that you put into a pot and call dinner, to actual, proven chefs with their own acclaimed restaurants.

Most of the hosts, however, are somewhere in the middle. Lower middle. And I’m not knocking it - I’ve made a couple Rachel Ray dishes and there are some that aren’t so bad. She’s a huge phenomenon, millions of people love her, and she delivers exactly what the Food Network wants to achieve: Ratings (ha!) and to bring great meals to the home chef in a pleasing/entertaining manner. But now here comes this crazy “Next Food Network Star” competition they filled with contestants who have some sort of cooking background, but definitely not anyone they would have put into the The Next Iron Chef competition. Still, they’re trying to run this almost as if they were.

This week, our guest judge is Cat Cora, Executive Chef of Bon Appetit Magazine, and the Iron Chef who never seems to win a battle.

Actually, that’s not true. According to wikipedia, she’s won more matches than Iron Chef Morimoto, and he is a certified badass.

So we start off with the camera challenge; making a dish with the provided ingredients, then describe the taste of the dish while you’re on camera. Cat Cora explains that each person should be specific about describing the dish, avoiding words like “delicious” and “flavorful” because those don’t really explain what the dish tastes like to an audience. Then the twist comes: contestants are put into pairs, and are told to swap dishes for the tasting portion of the competition.

I was sad to see so much failure going on, but I can only imagine how difficult the challenge was. I don’t think it’s something I could do, so I’m not going to start throwing stones. However, Chef Cora points out something very important, and that is a TV personality needs to be able to talk about absolutely anything at any given time.

In the end, Shane won the competition.

I like Shane. He’s one of the younger contestants, but has proven himself to be likable and capable.

Then we move on to the second challenge, which is where things get really bizarre.

Cat Cora has invited the Bon Appetit staff to dinner. The contestants are put back into groups of two and are shown three very traditional meals that take many, many hours to prepare: beef Wellington, Turducken (eew), and coq au vin. The contestants are given 45 minutes to prepare their versions of these time consuming dishes and are asked to present them to the Judges and the Bon Appetit staff, with the bonus of the winning dish appearing in the August 2008 Bon Appetit magazine.

Danger, Will Robinson!

This is why I think the show is confused. Even Judge Bob Tuschman, Senior Vice President of Programming and Production said during the show - the Food Network is all about making cooking accessible to the home chef. No offense, but they aren’t delivering the upper echelon of dining. The Food Network is all about the stripped-down simplicity of Rachel Ray and the extra butter and bacon grease of Paula Deen. Granted, Bon Appetit isn’t exactly French Laundry caliber, but it is delivering a slightly higher culinary experience than most shows than The Food Network provides.

So why they have these cooks (not chefs) schlepping around in the kitchen so they can cater to the BA staff, I couldn’t say. The BA staff seemed disappointed with everything in every manner - from flavor profiles to the presentation. They even had a filmed statement from one of their photographers who said the dishes would not have been an acceptable shot.

Disaster seemed to strike each team at every turn. And Lisa, dear Lisa…

Stop scrunching up the face! When she scrunches, she looks like a marmot and it confuses the viewers. If she simply smiled more, she’d win me over every time. I actually like her, but she tends to come off as stiff because she doesn’t laugh and smile as much. The judges continually tell her that she has a tendency to come across as cold, but I think that is partly due to her glamorous appearance. This may sound strange, but I think the haircut may come across as “severe” to viewers and she has to try harder to make herself seem more like the everyday chef. Lisa, please laugh more - you’re so very charming when you do.

In the end, Shane and Kelsey won the challenge with their beef Wellington, and their recipe will be printed in the August 2008 Bon Appetit magazine.

I can’t believe I’m still watching this show. Someone needs to do something to scale back the challenges to be much more appropriate.

I have never felt so uncomfortable watching a reality show a la food competition as I did when I watched Episode 4 of The Next Food Network Star.

Before I get into the details, let me say that there will be spoilers. This show runs on Sunday nights on the Food Channel, so most food blogs post their reviews first thing Monday morning, with spoilers either in the comments or after the jump. Here at Amateurs with Knives, we are considerate enough to be slackers, watching late and reviewing late. This way, we aren’t really spoiling anything for you since by now you’ve probably already seen the show! Think of it as part of the service we provide. No need to thank us.

I haven’t reviewed the last couple of weeks because of two things:

1. I haven’t watched the episodes
2. From what I was reading on the other food blogs, I wasn’t missing anything other than crying, crying, more crying, Martha Stewart, and crying

Armed with this knowledge, I sat down for week 4. Right off the bat, I’m painfully reminded that I am not watching a cadre of talented professional chefs. Instead, we’re watching a group of regular joes who want a show on the Food Network. I had to wonder what the criteria was for finding a “network star” and what panel selected these people? Do they still have jobs?

The first challenge is presented by Tyler Florence, who I really like. His shows are mostly instructional, showing people how to cook using different techniques and he really knows his stuff. Immediately the contestants are nervous because they realize they’re about to be put through a technique challenge.

And they are. Each person is to give a 60-second presentation on a technique: shucking an oyster, Frenching a rib, coring a pineapple, etc. To say there were a few awkward videos would be an understatement. The winner of the challenge was Kelsey. This was a pleasant surprise for me because when I first watched the show, her cheerful personality was overbearing to the point of annoyance. However, her presentation was excellent. She listened to what the judges have been telling her over the past few weeks and came off professional and pleasant and really did do a good job. I’d watch her show if she continued to present this way.

The loser was Nipa, known for her attitude and for walking out on the judges a couple of weeks ago. Her challenge: Clean a small squid. Before the camera turned on, she looked up with her usual sour expression and said, “I don’t know how to do this.” The cameras rolled anyway and she went forth, making a mockery of the challenge, giggling and making faces. In the end, she didn’t impress anyone, and I think even the normally good-natured Tyler Florence seemed a little ticked.

With the good and bad news over, the show becomes even more uncomfortable when the newest Iron Chef, Michael Symon, shows up.

The contestants are freaking out because they are so excited, and I’m never so aware of how ordinary these people look next to an actual chef. To make things even more confusing, they bring in the Executive Chef of Red Lobster.

Fine dining, it ain’t, but the contestants are excited anyway. They are given a panel of fish which represent some of Red Lobster’s “Fresh Fish” menu, and are asked to make a dish that would appeal to the restaurant’s diverse customer base. The winning dish will do just that, and be featured on the Red Lobster menu for a limited time.

If creating a meal for Red Lobster wasn’t awkward enough, Michael Symon gives them the part 2 of the challenge: They must make the fish two ways; the first way being geared toward the Red Lobster client, and the second with a twist. A second table is pointed out and the contestants are asked to choose an “Iron Chef ingredient,” which is really weird because I can’t remember the last time Fruit Loops and Marshmallow Creme were the secret ingredients of Iron Chef.

Quick! Someone plate the Fruit Loop sushi before the time is up!

There were some decent ingredients like coffee and white chocolate, but then there was the aforementioned marshmallow creme and Fruit Loops, also caramel, grape jelly and some unspecified cola brand. And our regular joes were expected to fix a fish dish with one of these ingredients. What a train wreck.

On top of these ridiculous dishes, each chef was expected to do a short presentation to a group of Coast Guard folks who they were serving the dishes to. One dude, Adam, came out of the kitchen and chose to trip and fall and make a fool of himself. Now, since we don’t have Gordon Ramsay on this show to put people in their places, I will now do this for you.

So then Nipa comes out and gives everyone a free Bollywood dance lesson that really freaked some people out. I was one of them.

In the end, Kelsey won the challenge and Nipa was sent packing. Nipa’s dish wasn’t as bad as the others, but she had really offended Michael Symon with the way she handled her fish during the preparation: Each contestant was asked to fillet one fish, and then they were given the rest of their fillets already ready. Nipa, who doesn’t like to touch fish, cut out a tiny little piece about the size of her thumb, and threw the rest of the fish away. That, her earlier technique presentation, and her overall behavior throughout the competition made the decision. If you want to read more about why their decision was made, you can read Bob Tuschman’s blog on the Food Network website.

Editor’s Note: I know! We’re on time!

MM: You want me to do a countdown?
CC: Hit it!
MM: 3… 2… 1… Go! And welcome to Puerto Rico, everyone except Lisa.
CC: Ah… K-Fed Twin-Free Puerto Rico.

MM: Holy crap, Lisa’s gone butch — Either that or she took a cue from her pan fires.
CC: I dont understand going butch; I really don’t.
MM: At least Padma’s looking great.
CC: Yeah, and if she wants to be a lesbian, well from my lips to God’s ears.
MM: So for this episode we have guest judge Wilo Benet, a famed Puerto Rican chef. He’s been on the Food Network a few times. Before opening his restaurants he was Chef de Cuisine at the Governors Mansion in Puerto Rico, Pattisier at Le Bernadin, Poissonier at the Water Club in New York and James Beard Foundation Guest Chef.
CC: So you’ve heard of this guy before, then?
MM: I wish I could say yes so I can sound impressive, but I’m looking him up on Wikipedia.
CC: Cheater. So the Quickfire Challenge is to make Padma and Wilo Benet two different plantain fritters.
MM: Lisa looks so smug when she hears the challenge… and it begins – three of the chefs hit the table and Lisa runs back to the kitchen to grab all of the choice protein. Smart.
CC: Are these all going to be fried? The way the challenge is being portrayed it’s hard to see what each chef is doing at their station.
MM: Looks like it. There is some interesting plating going on.
CC: Nice looking tuna on Stephanie’s plate.

MM: Did Antonia make a mistake by giving the plantain a back seat? Padma and Chef Benet don’t seem happy.
CC: Oh, no plantain in the one dish - but her plantain jam counts.
MM: How much time has elapsed between these episodes?
CC: A few weeks, I think - So, enough time to bone up on Puerto Rican cooking. Here comes Richard! GO RICHARD YOU CAN DO IT!!! His dish looks pretty damn good, and interesting too.
MM: Really? His dish didn’t wow me, but I love how he totally thinks about his dish. The concepts he puts behind them are amazing to me. I hope Stephanie rocked it. She’s my pick to win.
CC: Stephanie wins and Richard is in the bottom two? This man (Chef Benet) has no vision!!
MM: (laughing)
CC: You want Stephanie to win the whole thing?
MM: Yeah. I’m pretty sure that I said a while back that I thought she’d go to the end.
CC: I’m rooting for Richard obviously, but Stephanie would be a close second.
MM: There’s just something about her style that I think will win over Richard – they are definitely the best two in the competition.
CC: Stephanie just keeps winning stuff.
MM: That’s because she’s good! What scares me about Stephanie is that when she goes down, she goes down hard. That said, it’s between those two. If either one of those chefs won, I wouldn’t be unhappy. They both deserve it.
CC: And now for the Elimination Challenge… PIG ROAST!!
MM: Each chef will receive help… that can only mean previous contestants. Enter the scrubs.

Padma announces Stephanie will be assigning which previous contestant works with which finalist.

MM & CC (together): Oh my God.
CC: At least Stephanie isn’t a jerk who would try to screw this up like Spike.
The pairs are: Dale and Stephanie, Andrew (K-Fed #1) and Lisa, Spike (K-Fed #2) and Richard, Pasta Chick and Antonia.
MM: I think Andrew really is sincere about doing well… it’s just that he’s a doofus.
CC: I would have assigned Lisa and Dale together, but I guess Stephanie wanted Dale.
MM: From those choices I would have probably taken Dale, too. There’s really nowhere good to put the K-Feds.
CC: Put them in that pit that the Spartans have.

CC: Sous chefs do the shopping, that is bad news.
MM: Andrew trying to communicate and realizing he looks like a moron.
CC: You’d think they would get an interpreter though. I mean, come on. Spike could at least do the butchering though, we found that out.
MM: Spike is not smart enough to understand basic directions! Well, it’s a good thing he still has his legs so he can do Richard’s grunt work.
CC: Yeah see - I held back on my true prophetic powers because I didn’t want to mess Richard up with a legless sous chef.

Before the commercial break, the discussion and single-chef “diary clips” are all about the necessity of being really organized. The camera pans down to a tray of pork left out on a shelf, forgotten.

MM: Oh no, was that Steph’s stuff that was left out?
CC: Did someone forget something there?
MM: Oh my God. Dale forgot to put that away.
CC: Wow that sucks, because you know he didn’t do it on purpose. Why are we just finding out now that they have known each other for 10 years?
MM: I have no idea, but you can tell he feels like a complete jerk. Now that we’re back from the commercial break, tell me this: How come no one can cook a decent batch of rice?
CC: Oh please, not more rice issues.
MM: Lots of pork belly going on. Aren’t they worried they aren’t being diverse enough?
CC: Yeah, pretty pedestrian menus across the board I’d say. Why is Lisa, known for her Asian food, trying to go with Spanish?
MM: Because it can’t be worse than her Asian dishes? Beats me. I’m not feeling confident about anyone’s menus. This episode doesn’t feel fun at all. I’m really nervous about this challenge for everyone - not just Stephanie and her botched dish that was left out. What did she say she was going to substitute the pork belly for?
CC: A pork satay. Using sugar cane as skewers is a little hack I think.
MM: Do you? I think it will come across as a nice regional touch. Is it too commonly used, maybe?
CC: I think so, and I can’t believe it really adds much to the dish, but I could be wrong.

CC (continued): I’m also surprised there isn’t more seafood there. Fish would be a nice pair with the pork – WOW!
MM: What’s with Padma and the toga?
CC: And once again: WOW
MM: (laughing) Okay, you like Padma’s toga. I get it.

CC: That is a NICE DRESS.
MM: It’s a little out of place. It’s almost a little Animal House. She does look very lovely, though… but a little strange because it’s a toga.
CC: She looks like she should be at the Parthenon being fed grapes by, well hell, by me!
MM: First stop is Stephanie’s station. Was she able to pull off her last minute dish fix? Yes! And Chef Benet seems happy with her plantain pancake.
CC: I like the salad, it’s the most inventive of the three… Wait, and now its like 4 hours later? Why did it get dark?
MM: I was just wondering that. Maybe they were trying to psyche themselves up before hitting Lisa’s station. Not a lot of feedback on Lisa’s station – I can only hope that means she didn’t do well.
CC: Let’s hope.
MM: Wow, there really is no way to know how everyone is doing.
CC: I think Antonia’s undercooked pigeon peas might be an issue. I’m worried for Antonia.
MM: I am as well even though she isn’t one of my favorites (as I’ve made clear over and over) but she’s a much more solid chef than Lisa and I’d hate to see her get bumped out now.
CC: Here comes the announcement on the winners: Richard and Stephanie. Awesome. This top 2 is the top 2 of the entire competition.
MM: Richard’s ribs seemed to be the Judge’s favorite overall.
CC: I was interested in those, but they didn’t have a lot of time to cover the dishes as much as I would have liked.

MM: I’m already feeling bad for Antonia.
CC: Yeah, this is going to be tough… Richard wins a new 2009 Corolla! Nice!
MM: I hope he doesn’t have to pay to get that Corolla back to the mainland. Not much of a prize then!
CC: (laughing) Yeah the shipping fees have to be murder. Ok, they’re calling in the bottom two. Let’s start the chant now: Lisa…Lisa…Lisa…
MM: And she’s already got her nasty face on.

CC: The judges don’t like Lisa cooking Spanish over her usual Asian. It was a gamble, but she couldn’t produce quality regional food. And look at Lisa’s reaction! How can she be surprised?
MM: Maybe she thought, “Well, I’ve screwed myself every time I cook Asian, so I thought I’d go for Latin…” Her excuses are the same ones she uses every time. Colicchio looks like he doesn’t believe a word she is saying… Oh no, I don’t want it to be Lisa that goes on to the final 3 but it looks as if she might. Bad feedback for Antonia - she took it gracefully, though.
CC: Yeah, that must have been hard. Whoever is #3 is going to get smoked by Richard and Stephanie anyway.
MM: This has been a really hard episode to watch, probably one of the hardest all season.
CC: I think its a testament to the judges that 3 out of the 4 left are the top 3.
MM: What do you mean - skill wise, the 3 out of the 4 are definitely the top 3 of the entire competition? Yeah, I agree with that.
CC: It’s obviously a testament to the skill of those 3 chefs as well, but yeah, you would think someone good would get hosed along the way. Ok, your prediction before we count it down? I think it’s going to be Antonia. It shouldn’t be, but I think it will.
MM: I think it is Antonia, and I will feel crushed for her. She isn’t my favorite, but overall she’s a better chef.

Padma makes the announcement, asking Antonia to please pack her knives and go.

MM (continued): Yeah, it’s Antonia. That really sucks.
CC: Yeah, it does.
MM: This was the hardest judges’ table to watch. I – WHAT IN THE –

Antonia gracefully makes her goodbyes and exits. The cameras return to the scene in the waiting room, where Richard, Stephanie, and Lisa are sitting in stunned silence after a long competition. Lisa breaks the silence by telling Richard and Stephanie that they should be congratulating her, instead of being mad that she made it through and Antonia didn’t.

CC: Oh, lets get some more drama in there. That was really low class.
MM: It’s all about you, isn’t it, Lisa? Richard wins the quote for this episode: “You won the bronze medal. There ya go.”
CC: Put that on a t shirt and I’ll buy it right now. I do understand how Lisa feels, but you can’t expect people to be jumping for joy after someone leaves.
MM: What does she want congratulations for? That she didn’t suck quite as much as the other person? I don’t know if that’s something to be congratulated over.
CC: Well I don’t know about that. Being in the top 3 is a big accomplishment, but you have to give it more than 5 minutes to switch from Antonia leaving to you not leaving.
MM: That was a sobering challenge.
CC: Yeah, because it could have just as easily been Richard or Stephanie who undercooked some rice and then they’re done.
MM: Yeah, or what if Stephanie wasn’t able to bounce back from Dale’s mistake?
CC: Yeah, that would have been worse, if Steph got booted for a mistake Dale made. I would have called it “dry aged pork” and took my chances.
MM: Gross.

Tune in next whenever as the AwK authors finish up this season of Top Chef sometime relatively near after the episode airs!

Okay, so we’re late again. That’s ok though because it really won’t take long to tell you the most important part of Top Chef’s Episode 12, High Steaks:

Unfortunately it seems as though Citizen Chef has lost his touch, as he did call Spike as the loser, but the jerk did walk off the set with the use of his legs, contrary to what was predicted. I, for one, want my money back.

So last night I sat down and watched the first episode of this season’s “The Next Food Network Star”. I thought it was going to be another snooze-fest.

Photograph courtesy of The Amateur Gourmet

It was actually pretty good. What I like about this show is that it’s not just about being a culinary genius, but it’s about the personality and showmanship of the cook. What I mean is, it’s unlike competitions such as Top Chef, where it’s really hard for a viewer to feel like they are a part of what is happening because we don’t taste the food. All we can do is guess, based on whatever the producers of the show tell us. With The Next Food Network Star, it’s easier to feel involved because we know what kind of a host we want to watch when we sit down in front of the boob tube. Unfortunately, the food is less important.

Maybe you disagree, so I’ll say this: If food was more important, we wouldn’t have Sandra Lee.

Anyway, the show was interesting. Each host had a very different background and a neat story that made you want to watch them (their own personal hook). The finalists are listed on the Food Network site here. Surprisingly enough, there were a lot of people that I expected to do really well, and did poorly. The ones I expected to do poorly actually did quite well. What was made plain to the audience (and the contestants) is that being a television personality is not easy. It’s hard not to cringe when some of the contestants get in front of the camera.

It isn’t too late to get caught up if you wanted to sit down and catch it on Food Network. So far only the first show has aired, and you can probably catch it again on a rerun if you wanted to see it. It’s not a bad watch. I wouldn’t replace Top Chef or Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares for it, but it’s something different from the usual food reality shows that would be worth catching from time to time.